Self-Care as a Lesson: What We Teach Our Children When We Look After Ourselves

For a long time, I believed that if I just gave all my attention to my child—planned better, tried harder, did more—I could solve everything.

If I poured all of myself into meeting their needs, the challenges would ease, the days would get smoother, and somehow, I’d feel more in control.

But here’s the truth I’ve come to learn: you can’t pour from an empty cup.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that self-care is selfish or indulgent. But self-care, especially for parents, is not just about looking after ourselves—it’s about teaching our children how to look after themselves too.

Our children learn how to manage emotions, handle stress, and navigate challenges by watching us.

When we take a breath instead of snapping, step away for a moment of calm, or admit when we’re feeling overwhelmed, we are modelling self-regulation.

We’re showing them that it’s okay to feel things deeply, and more importantly, that it’s okay to take steps to manage those feelings.

Self-care helps us stay more regulated, more patient, and more attuned to our children’s needs.

When we’re burnt out, even the smallest mishap—a spilled drink, a loud noise, a missed appointment—can feel like the final straw.

We start taking things personally, feeling resentful, and reacting in ways that don’t reflect who we want to be as parents.

In contrast, when we care for ourselves, we’re better equipped to respond with calm and compassion rather than reactivity.

This is a powerful message for our children.

We are teaching them that emotions aren’t bad or shameful—they’re part of being human.

That it’s okay to say, “I need a break,” or “I’m not okay right now.”

That asking for help doesn’t mean weakness—it shows strength and self-awareness.

It took me a long time to realise this.

Life is full—parenting, work, appointments, chores, school drop-offs, therapies, and the constant pressure to “keep up.” Some days, just replying to a group chat feels like a stretch.

But I’ve learned to start small.

A quiet cup of tea before everyone wakes up. A walk around the block. A book in the sunshine. Getting my nails done once a month.

None of these things are grand or life-changing on their own, but they add up. They create space to breathe. And they help me model a life where balance and wellbeing matter.

Self-care is not a luxury. It’s a form of teaching. It’s a way of parenting.

So if you’ve been putting yourself last—pause.

You deserve care too.

And in taking care of yourself, you’re giving your child one of the most important lessons they’ll ever learn.